


Talk me down

by milkxtea



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Depression, M/M, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkxtea/pseuds/milkxtea
Summary: Coming back home to the silence was something, which made Lucas feel slight fear, even if it wasn't anything new to him. He was tired. He was frustrated. He was in love. The same could be said about Eliott. The difference was- Eliott has never talked about his feelings.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 5
Kudos: 75
Collections: Song Inspired Skam Fic Challenge





	Talk me down

**Author's Note:**

> hi!  
> welcome to my first one-shot inspired by Troy Sivan's song. I hope you will like it, the same as my future works!  
> I also write social media aus on twitter so if you are interested, here is my profile: [twitter](https://twitter.com/milkxteam)  
> i am sorry if you find any mistakes or typos, english is not my first language :(  
> don't be scared or shy to leave any comment, or to contact me- i don't bite lmao

It was hard. It was utterly hard for the two of them, but no one has ever said it out loud. Indeed it was shown many times but never spoken by anyone. It was just the way it was. 

Minute by minute. 

757440 minutes. Many more to go.

There is no sense in deliberating how many of those minutes were the good or the bad ones. 40/60 would be a good guess, yet still not perfect. Perfect doesn't exist. 

"Eliott?" the silent and unsure voice filled the corridor but was left without any answer. He passed the entrance and walked into the kitchen looking around as he was expecting to find what he was looking for. Everything was exactly the same way he left it this morning before he left and went to classes. The sudden bump made Lucas jumped in place, although he quickly realized what was the cause of it. "Fifi" he sighed relieved switching his sight to the cage, where the small rabbit was. Seeing how she was begging for some attention, by trying to tear apart the cage, he walked towards her, bent over to help her get out. As soon as she jumped out, Lucas took her bowl and filled it with the feed letting her eat in peace. "Again huh?" he asked quietly watching how furiously she was consuming, as it could be predicted, the first meal of the day. Lucas looked up at the clock hung above the entrance, rubbing his face as soon as he saw the hour. 8 pm. His gaze went slowly to the doors at the end of the corridor, forcing his feet to lead the way. The old, wooden floor and doors didn't make it easy for him to be gentle with his movements. 

He wasn't shocked. He wasn't surprised. He felt slight anger and sadness, making it hard to define which feeling was stronger. 

"Eliott" he said as he entered the room. He passed the bed, avoiding all the clothes lying on the floor, just to open the window. As soon as he had done it, the fresh air filled the bedroom with such an impact that it left Lucas speechless for a few seconds. Not hearing the answer he turned around to the view of the big, not moving, ball of sheets. What he saw next was the opened tube of medications for his own insomnia. "For fucks sake Eliott" he sighed taking the subject in his hands. He had hidden them. He was sure that he had done that. Lucas bit his lips harder than usual making him feel a metallic taste in his mouth seconds later. A normal person would freak out to this view, and actually, he used to be one of those people. 

He didn't freak out this time.

He knew it was a matter of one, maybe two pills Eliott had taken. It was always like this. The heavy sigh escaped Lucas' mouth as he leaned against the sill, not looking away from the bed.

The shuffle. Lucas frowned, looking more carefully at the sheets, which moved again. 

"I didn't take them" the sharp and hoarse voice punched Lucas, leaving him confused yet relieved. He smiled slightly putting the tube back at the nightstand. Right after that Lucas took off his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, taking some layers of sheets off of his boyfriend. After finally removing the final sheet, he lied down behind his back, putting head right next to Eliott's. Hearing his shaky exhaust and sudden sigh, Lucas knew perfectly he had to say something. 

"Let's just sleep" he whispered, hugging Eliott from the back. 

"Fifi, I-"

"I fed her. She's all happy in the living room" Another shaky exhaust. "Just sleep Eliott, it's okay. I'm here" he added after a while, stroking gently his, covered with a sheet, side. He didn't have to wait long till he could feel Eliott's back much closer to his chest. If it was possible, there is a high chance, the boy could just come into his body. Lucas used to found it cute until he figured out how desperate and sad this movement was. He hated it with all his heart. 

Seeing Eliott laughing and smiling was something he wouldn't get tired of. Ever.

Seeing Eliott, or more precisely sheets and lowered blinds, was something he never wanted to see.

He had too, obviously. It was a part of their lives. It was a part of Eliott. He loved Eliott, undoubtfully, and unconditionally, which included loving him with all his ups and downs. 

"Thank you" Eliott spoke quietly after a few seconds making it clear his falling asleep was a matter of minutes. 

"We will talk later love. Take some rest"

He knew they won't. Eliott wasn't the type of guy, who talked a lot about his feelings. At least not to Lucas. Obviously, he was talking to his therapist and occasionally to him, yet they have never crossed a certain border. Sometimes it was so frustrating. The desire to know what was happening in Eliott's head was making Lucas crazy still, he was confused. He used to question the feeling Eliott had for him or the feeling he claimed to have. Once or twice they argued about this which in the end, didn't change anything. Change assumed the desire to make one- from both of the sides. After some time Lucas just took a step back and left it all to Eliott. He still watched him carefully during his worse days and better ones too. The feeling for this tall guy was too important and huge to just not care. 

Eliott needed time. He knew it and it was all Lucas needed right now. 

When Lucas woke up, he woke up to the same view which he fell asleep to. Seeing the early hour on the watch, he decided to take more rest since it was his day free of the university. After leaving a gentle and wet kiss on Eliott's temple he hugged his back again, soon after falling asleep.

The second time Lucas woke up, he was alone. It was past 11 am, which meant he has been sleeping for more than he actually should. These past few weeks- filled with exams and projects- were exhausting for him making his organism demand some solid rest. 

Thursday. Eliott's appointment. 

The truth was Lucas was entirely surprised his boyfriend decided to get out of bed and attend it- hopefully. Him, deciding to make any move, was something that didn't happen. Obviously, it was not something he would complain about. He felt much calmer with the thought of Eliott being finally able to talk about what possibly could make him feel that way. 

It has been months since any major depressive episodes, which had given Lucas much hope. Unnecessarily. He knew what to do and how to behave, and even though he felt unsure. Because of the way how introverted Eliott was, Lucas was not certain if he was doing any good or maybe he was a pain in his ass like his ex-girlfriend was. 

Breakfast. Feeding Fifi. Tidying her cage. Tidying the flat. Tidying the bedroom.

While taking care of the last thing on his list, Lucas found the envelope on the desk, with his name written on it. His heart stopped beating as soon as he saw it. Seeing something like this made the worst scenarios found their way into his head. He quickly ripped the envelop off and sat starting to read the letter.

_Hi,_

_i know how it looks, but i'm alive?_

_i went to a meeting and didn't want to wake You up. You deserve some rest. Anyway,_

_i will start it the proper way._

_Dear Lucas,_

_when i said thank you- i meant it._

_for literal everything._

_this letter? no idea. mr. Loutner said it should make it easier for me to talk to you. i know he is right but it feels weird writing it all, while you are sleeping next to me._

_You saved me. so many times you did it. and you are still doing it. i can't even remember how bad it was before i had met you. but once you had come into my life, i gained the best reason to try._

_tell me, how does it work? why can't I fall asleep until you are next to me? how can You be so perfect?_

_You give me peace._

_You are my home Lucas. You are my escape. You are my shelter. only You know how to protect me from me._

_so yes. thank you. for not pushing me into talking, for lying next to me, for letting me squish into your chest when i need it. for staying with me, even when we both know how hard it can get._

_sometimes i feel like giving up. You know? leaving it all, without any need to worry about any consequences or problems. but then You enter the room. the thought of not being able to see You, the thought of making You go through it all, the thought of the amount of love you are giving to me... this is a lot. much more that i could ever dream of or ask for._

_it's hard. it's really fucking hard. Sometimes it gets better and seconds later it's much worse. but i am trying. i'm trying because i know you are here for me, you will catch me when i fall. the problem is i fall. i fall a lot. i hate myself for that. but i love You. and You love me. and since there is no bad thing about You, then i can't be that bad huh?_

_thank You._

_for hope. strength. love._

_there are many things You don't know yet. even i don't know them. but i promise to be better. i bought a notebook. i have maybe papers for letters. if You like this one. it takes time... but we are getting there._

_See You,_

_Be right back love,_

_Eliott._

Lucas smiled reading the letter for the second time. He bit his lower lip, feeling his heart beating faster this time. Hearing the sound of opening the front door, he stood up from the chair just to leave the room. The brunet stopped in front of them, watching his boyfriend taking off his jacket and shoes. The emotions going through his body were impossible. It seemed impossible for him to name all of them. Relief, anger, sadness, happiness, worry. 

"Oh.. hi" he heard finally the voice he knew by heart. Eliott seemed confused and partly lost, which always reminded Lucas of a lost puppy. Adorable and worth protecting. He looked exhausted- like after every meeting. The bags under the eyes made it obvious that his night hadn't been the smoothest one.

"Hi... how was it? good?" Lucas asked walking closer while watching as Eliott hide hands in his jeans' pockets. He knew. They both knew. Still, none of them wanted to bring it up. Eliott- he felt uncomfortable. Lucas- being relieved and happy, he simply didn't want to scare him off by starting the topic. Time- that was what mattered. 

A little nod came as an answer and the truth was- Lucas didn't expect anything more. The moment he was close enough to Eliott, the brunet hugged him slightly, lying his head right in the place where the other's heart was. "What do you want to do?" he asked quietly, gabbing his boyfriend's back. 

"Sleep. I want to sleep next to you" the answer came faster than he could expect, which made him feel soft. 

"Good. I want to do the same" 

That was what they did next. Actually, it was all that each of them needed. And that was enough.


End file.
